His Wisdom, My Help!!

It’s interesting how lately I’ve been looking for ways to “make” my life comfortable, with respect to finding those things that make me happy. And it dawned on me that my current state of mind has nothing to do with unfulfilment, but rather actively making God proud with the skills He’s given me. So after a short talk last week with a certain Mr. A, concerning “what it is I’m good at” I decided to pay the library an overly due visit (of many years – as a researcher I am truly embarrassed to say for how long I’ve been away).

Funnily enough I am of the “school of thought” that I can get whatever I want from the Internet (journals, index, book reviews, data…) and that going to the library was a waste of my time. However “something in my spirit” suggested i go pay the library a visit. After 4 hrs I was hooked. The tranquility of it all. The new findings/ discoveries, the empty board you can sit across and stare at as you try solving “that” theorem/algorithm/network diagram. Yes, that room that is not like your office. No phone lines to disturb your thinking, and more importantly no INTERNET surfing. Yes, this is the life of a researcher who intends to make a difference in her field.

I guess the point of this post is to apologise for going away for “such a small while”. Being in the library has been keeping me busy, and I no longer want to be anywhere in my office where the Internet on the machines and the phones beckons. I am free. Free to solve those complex problems of science. I am REfocused, and thank God for His Wisdom. My students are waiting.

The Lord who has refused to let me be put to shame has now revived my enthusiasm and renewed my thirst for my work. The work He trained me to be the best at. As being the HEAD is the only place He created me to be.

Have a wonderful weekend. I know I am having yet the best days of my life.

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30 Days of Thankfulness 2 – Day 14 / Staying on your track

For Day 14 (Wednesday, November 14), I was tagged by Diamond for the “THANKFULNESS CHAIN”. Mine is more of a story.

Its funny
how easily the desire to be like others, have what others have or possibly dominate others seem to be the driving force for many. Well I will have to admit that I have found myself doing these many times throughout my life’s journeys.

I have always had this athletic build which meant I could do justice to 100 / 200meters races and come out on top. But during the races I was always overwhelmed with the fear that someone would overtake me which caused me to constantly look over my shoulder to make sure I knew where the next person was. Interestingly enough this would always cost me the race. But I never seemed to learn.

Its funny when I graduated to the 200meters sprint, and whenever I was placed in the first two lanes, this would always upset me a great deal. Because it meant that the people on lanes 6 and 7 would win the race automatically in my mind. So before the race had started I would have already given up already, and pretend to have pulled something towards the midpoint.
Its funnier even when I finally landed that lane 7, which I thought was all I needed to win the race, after putting all my effort in the first 100meters, I would realise for the next 100meters that I was no different to the people on the other lanes. Excited as I was when I started, people cheering me on as I led the pack, my parents very sure that I was the leader of the pack from where they were seated, and shocked to hear that I did not win the race. Interesting enough I never fully understood why? And even more baffling that the races I was the favourite for I never seemed to win. But It all makes sense now. My attitude and planning was different. I believed in my own strength, and would always predict the outcome of the race depending on my starting point. If the starting point wasn’t in my favour, giving up was the next option. And also during the race I always made a point to constantly look over my shoulder to check the positions of others in the race. So as you could see I was never a serious contender. Going where the wind blew my decisions could be likened to.

so TODAY I am thankful that the Lord has used this example to REVEAL Himself to me. To help me understand why the track that I am on is unimportant in the race called life. We don’t all have the same starting position and many always seemed to advance more than others, which always causes one to feel envious, evaluate themselves, wonder why their case is different, feel cheated and maybe cry out to God. But the one thing God keeps bringing to my memory is the people on lane 6 and 7 (who represent the leaders of the pack from your point of view), and the ones on lanes 1 and 2 (lagging behind – a position I always found myself in). It may appear that they are winning the race, but its all about where you are looking at it from.

Have you not noticed this? When the people in lanes 6 and 7 comes out of the bend (the first 100meters) they level up with the others in the previous 5 lanes. A reminder that we will all get to that point, the end of the first 100meters, which is where the race really begins – the beginning of the next 100meters.

This is why Paul warns us in the books of the bible – In 1 Corinth. 9:24 (Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize); asking us why we gave up on the race even when we were doing well, Gal. 5:7 (You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?); And the reminder of pushing ahead to finish the race the Lord has called each and everyone one of us for regardless of the track He placed us on, Acts 20: 24 (However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace).

I have found myself many a times giving up in situations where I should have kept running. That is why the Lord reminds us that the race is not to the swift – or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them allEcc. 9:11. Then it finally hit me, I have tried looking over my shoulders which always cost me the race on the track. But I will be foolish to repeat the same mistake in the race called life. I refuse to look over my shoulder to evaluate my position by comparing my life to the life of others, but to ask God to help me “pace” my self with His strength. So that I can finish the race well.

so
TODAY I am thankful to God for His Revelations, through which I am able to appreciate His Love and Peace of mind during the life’s journeys. His Joy whenever I remember the great plans He has for me and the family, friends and people He has surrounded me with. Today Dear Lord I am Thankful for the Journey called Life, which many have in one way or the other dropped out from, but you’ve still encouraged me to run on.

So today dear friends, what will you do with your own race? Are you going to give up on your race because of the track that you are on? Or are you willingly to be patient for the Lord to take you through this first phase and into the finishing straights. Would your answer be like that of Paul’s who said in 2 Tim. 4:7 – I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.Or would it be something opposite. I pray that the former will be your answer.

Thank you Miss D for tagging me, for tomorrow the 15th of November I tag Believer and temmytayo.

For TONYI

I was almost tired, when they told me to join them. Come they said, let us go. But I always declined. Too serious to do anything. Too tightfisted to spend my money on anything other than what others should see. Vanity I know, but I have spent too long already in lonely places.

I was almost tired, when I finally tracked down Udo, my best friend of when I was 10years old. She was half German and half Nigerian. I skipped all my classes including my after school classes which my mum had paid a fortune for me to attend. It was always fun walking the streets with Udo. Besides we never failed a class. I was shocked to find out she was still the same dear friend. I haven’t seen her for almost 15 years now. I was never a writer, so you were sure not to get any letters from me, but that didn’t mean you were never thought of each day. Mum always asked me about you. I know she will be excited to hear about you.

I was almost tired when you told me of pamela, and shobanna, other members of our crew – pamela the only child of a very wealthy man and shobanna our sri lankan friend. How you lost contact with pamela when you had to return to germany after the death of your dad and how you lost shobanna’s addy after many years of contact when she too returned to srilanka. I still remember those days when your mum opened up your garage to turn it into a little shop, and how we ate out all the stuff in the shop, because we were always hungry. Gosh how I’ve missed you and those days. The wildest times of my life. My mum oblivious to the fact that her daughter was skipping school, and my dad not bothered with my results. You see I was never going to be that heart surgeon. I was too rough in the edges to be proper. I guess they would have been happy regardless of whatever I chose to do.

I was tired when you reminisced about the old times, and all those ladies in our class who just hated us. They called us “the light skin” group. Everyone wanted to be our friend, but we thought we were too good for them. “How dare they think they could mix with us. Do we look like their class. Do we look like their family. Do we smell like them”. “Gosh how they stank we would always say”. I remember when the teachers used to cane you, because you refused to be biade‘s friend when her mum came and begged you. How many was it 24 strokes. I never got the strokes. But I did deserve it though. For all the teachers knew my mum, and for some reason thought I was a good girl..lol.. I guess we never took school seriously because we knew we were not going to be around too long.

I was tired when I asked you about Tonyi, the bulky looking girl. I thought I was muscular with all my athletic build, but in Tonyi I saw a new meaning to the word bulky. She used to just sit and stare at us, with a dirty grin. Her stares always made me uncomfortable and I was convinced they were always filled with hate; but I never remembered being frightened of it. I guess maybe it was a disappointing look, maybe it was a jealous look; whatever it was she always convicted my spirit. I don’t remember hating her, only wondered why she would cause me to humble myself whenever she was around. Does she know who I am. Does she know how many boys I can beat down in 2 seconds flat. Does she know what they call me around the school.

I was tired when you told me how she died. She died Udo. Tonyi died. Did I hear you say Tonyi died. The news pierced through my heart. She died shortly after I left. She was staying with her aunt, who used her as her house girl. One night she was very ill, but they still told her to go and fetch water for them. It was very dark and there were no lights, but she still had to go out to the well that had been dug in the premises. As she bent over to pull the rope tied to the well bucket which she had thrown into the well she must have felt faint and fell into the well. The family didn’t even bother to go check why she hadn’t brought the water back, they only looked for her the next day and found her inside the well.

I remember how she had started making an effort to be friendly. She had this beautiful bible decorated with stickers, which she carried as if it were her most prized possession. She was the only smelly peeps I started to smile and say hello to. Whenever I saw her I always felt compelled to go and say hello. She gave me some of her stickers, and promised to get me a bible just like hers. Later she invited me to her church, where she told me I could get a bible just like hers. A baptist church. I started seeing her around outside school. I also found out she only lived 2 roads from me. I started seeing a side of her that I was previously too proud to see. She had a beautiful smile, which brightened her square shaped head, fixed to her body with a seriously stiff neck. She always walked as if she had a limp, most of the time from side to side. I remember when my dad came and told us that the school system wasn’t working for us, and that our trial was over. I remember going to say goodbye to Tonyi. And she sent me on with her blessings.

I’ve been back to Nigeria since many times to look for her, but that house always looked deserted. It all makes sense now. Why she stared at us at the beginning, the foolish girls who knew nothing of the hardship of life and took it for granted. How tears have refused to stop flowing down my cheeks.

I am tired of being tired. I am tired of taking my life for granted. I am tired of taking God for granted. I am tired of making the same mistakes so many years still after the earliest recorded mistakes. Who told me the journey called Life will be an easy one. No one said it will be filled with people. My path has been so far one not many have travelled. Many are the days, months years I have spent all by myself. If it were not going to be the case, then God would not have had to say to me “He will never leave me or forsake me” – for this statement is to encourage many like me, who have had to journey to places on their own.

So yet again, today I intend to live each day like its my last day, for every second I am here is more seconds than I had previously, and be Thankful that I have known the love of family, friends and the LOVE of God.

I am sorry Tonyi for the way I had behaved even at such a young age. I pray that you find rest and peace wherever you are. You have always been in my thoughts, and always remember that even though I never showed it, I truly appreciated you, and you were loved by little old proud me.

Adieu my friend.