Love is not just a feeling, it comprises of it. Feelings aren’t the evidence of love. Love is an exercise of ones will—a decision you deliberately and consciously take based on knowledge and understanding to stick with the object of your love (a woman or man) no matter what happens; this decision will eventually open up a flood-gate of strong feelings.
Because of your commitment to someone, when feelings disappear momentarily, you can stay in there till the feelings return. So if someone tells you I don’t have feelings for you again, lets take a break, then he either doesn’t understand what love is or never loved you in the first place or probably thought he really loved you and mistook a fleeting passion for a strong deep undeniable love— one that should come with the strength to stick it out in moments of dryness of feelings.
There is something I always say, Love is the most used word but the scarcest of true experience; most people say I love you or think they love, but in actual fact what they mean by “I love you” is actually, “I love the way you make me feel”, so in other words if you stop making me feel this way, then I will stop being there for you—which is lack of commitment. Now think about it, If your ex has walked out of your life, and tells you he can’t be committed now, really though not deliberately, he causes you pain yet in your heart of heart you still love him. Now! That is true love, commitment no matter what, but sadly Men have a problem acting this way, they are usually “Wonderful Committed Beginners” but never can sustain, so they say I’m afraid of commitment; such men need to Grow up.
Feelings are fickle; they are like fire, if you don’t keep putting wood (fuel) it will go out. What is wood in this case? Doing for the other what he likes and not quarrelling too frequently.
If the feelings are not there or dies, it’s because you have made up your mind not to be committed; you must tell yourself I may not feel like it now but I’ve made a commitment, so we are going to work this out, now my African queens this is very hard work and it takes being unselfishness in the relationship to achieve this. Then you’ll find the feelings will come back, so instead of a crisis breaking you up, it makes you stronger; you work out your issues and in so doing you understand each other better. Love now grows because you now understand your partners sensitivities, you are more like a team, you deal with issues together, not take off when you encounter challenges, BECAUSE YOU HAVE BOTH MADE A COMMITMENT TO STICK TO EACH OTHER, PERIOD!
Love takes a lot of perseverance and patience to grow and be sustained. So when you see couples in-love, understand it wasn’t always like that in the beginning they worked together through the challenges and storms and made it to the other side of a now enviable relationship. So really the key is finding som1 who loves you enough and who you believe in enough to weather the storm together and get to the other side of the storm, which is a Beautiful Enviable Relationship because—once again—of commitment.
Love is not just about feelings; it is actually, about a decision to be committed. It gives the strength to stick with that one person. Love mixed with maturity, which is actually a proper view point of what life or love is makes you have the ability to see the quality and heart of the one you love, beyond their physical appearance. Because even the bible says for this reason a MAN (not a boy) will leave (not a mama’s boy still hanging unto mummy’s apron)—these are two prerequisite for a good husband.
Boys not men chase you out of an initial excitement, but when you as the lady returns that feeling, they get scared because they aren’t ready for a lifelong commitment relationship. They want to keep humping around, living the single life or whatever their individual reasons may be. It means in the beginning he didn’t really think about what he was feeling or wanted before leading the woman on and this a marked trait of Immaturity— a real mature man should think before he jumps.
A relationship where each persons needs are not being met, will die. Also, a relationship where there is constant bickering and quarrelling will kill feelings and may eventually end the relationship, so avoid Quarrelling but by all wisdom please let your feelings be known and agree on the best way to resolve conflicts.
Commitment means I can no longer have space. My life is now shared with another. I’m now accountable to someone else and can’t really make decisions, especially ones that will seriously impact on the relationship e.t.c changing location.
ADVICE: Women, hold your excitements about a man till you’re sure about him, and then let go. (For the Immature man who hasn’t grown up, i mean)
ADVICE: Women, if you use the behavior you should have during marriage on a relationship, you’d ruin things. If you act like you’re married to a man while in a relationship, he gets scared and runs away. To know how your partner wants to be loved, watch how he shows you love. (For the Immature man who hasn’t grown up, i mean)
A good man will welcome a woman’s sincere love, embrace her when she returns affection and holds onto her no matter what; even when the fear (that most men feel when they meet a potential) arises. We men all feel that fear to whatever degree, I did, even couple months to my wedding. One just has to hold on long enough, and let go of the fear of commitment.
So my African queens if a guy doesn’t want you—however he tells you, or makes you know he isn’t ready to commit to you—Let the guy go. He isn’t worth your time and it’s most of the time HIS LOSS (which he usually realizes late). If he really wants you, he will come for you when he gets his act together and realizes the mistake he has made.
So say to yourself, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME. I’M BEAUTIFUL BY ALL STANDARDS, because what break-ups tend to do is mess up our self-esteem, but refuse to give in to that, get up, pick up the mistakes made, make corrections, move on, because there is someone out looking for you just the way you are.
Above all, Let GOD lead the way. A man without the fear of God in him isn’t right for any woman; For he will surely hurt you.
By An Anonymous Ibo Guy (a great friend of nma – my adopted cali chicka friend..)
(Ladies he’s married- ain’t that something…)
Where there is the Love of God, there is no fear. God is Love, so a man born of God, born of His Spirit has His likeness within him. He has the ability to Forbear, be Kind, forgive, shares the burden of others, thinks less of self but of others, regardless of how difficult it may appear. However, a man who displays none of this, is born of self not of God. Flee from such a man…