Swollen eye lids, eyes that have refused to stop tearing, swollen lips (geez even Homer Simpson looks hotter than I am looking right now with those lips of his), and I’m not even in Nigeria. I look like I’ve taken a serious beaten, and have been crying for days on end. What seems to be the matter I keep getting asked? Should I milk this for what it’s worth? I heard it again, what seems to be the matter? I had to really think about it. Really is there anything the matter? You seem sad, you are looking rather dull?
This took me back to when I was young, younger than I am now (technically if I’m truly honest with myself, even now), when I looked forward to not so good news days; situations when I’m allowed to feel sorry for myself, so that when my mummy asked me if everything was well, I would sullenly reply and with the most exaggerated expression, enough for her to increase her prayers on my behalf, go out and get me some garments, and increase the pampering (no wonder I’m labeled as “such a princess” by a ton of people). I was jilted back again to the present, and no the enquirer is not my mummy, but still in a jiffy could run out to the shops to get me a get well card, some flowers to brighten up my room, and cherries that will last me a life time. And so I asked myself, should I milk this for what it’s worth, and is there really anything the matter with me?
I tried so much to remind myself of things and areas of my life where things weren’t working so well. Tried so hard to bring to mind situations that I appear to be currently facing that should make me sad, enough to justify why I looked dull, not emaciated, but just dull. I tried so hard to recreate broken times, times on end when things didn’t seem to be working. The fact and the state of things. My mind had become a court room where the opposition presented its case, and where the defense was armed ready to disprove it with the truth of the Word of God. The reasons presented by the opposition were quite conceited no doubt but it had a case. Can’t you see that a woman in your situation shouldn’t be happy? I mean look at you, married for so long and still with no kids? Single with no husband? Divorced twice and on your way to hell? Shut your mouth missy, what do you have to be joyful about? Yes you baby mother, you think a man wants to marry a woman who already has a child? You fat broke ass chick, trust me no man will and can ever love you! You think out of the group of people in your office, you will be promoted? You think there will be jobs available for you in this economic climate? I heard that there is a list with the names of people to be fired and your name has appeared on this list? Hahaha LMAO trust me you are finished! It seemed more like taunts, but in the real sense were facts being used against the defense. The opposition wasn’t making it up, their case was justifiable, and they were simply bringing to mind the current state of play. However, there was a problem with their air tight sealed case. Another fact had made it impossible for them to seal the case. The truth about the word of God which the defense team had knowledge of, which made it impossible for them to be fooled. It may have been a fact that indeed what is happening is really real, but what is coming was more real than what is. That the spiritual controlled the physical, and that the physical is not worth comparing to what is to come. And armed with this knowledge of the truth about the Word of God, the opposing thoughts could not stand a chance. And because my mind had been continuously immersed in the word of God, which I had meditated upon day and night, the opposing thoughts did not have the opportunity to come out into the open. And thus my mind a courtroom, where the defense team was actively and constantly winning, remained that of a conqueror.
And so I shrugged my shoulders, smiling and yet with a bemused sort of look, reluctantly said to him, it’s just a simple case of allergies, there is nothing internally wrong (nor would there ever be at the rate my defense team is working – I can’t even be allowed to feel sad just once I tell ya!!). As I walked away sniffing and touching my swollen lips, a tad bit disappointed, I finally realized that the “look at me I am suffering” days are well and truly over J. The childish days, times when I’ve refused to grow up are well and truly over ….No milking today!!, I see now that the word of God in me no longer permits me to feel sorry for myself again.. Aah kilode, a whole princess attention seeking drama queen like me, Nne I think your days of acting are well and truly over J.
$%^ SPOILLER: If you are an attention seeking drama queen, who loves to feel sorry for herself and for others to commiserate with you, errm, a continuous renewal of your mind with the word of God will so spoil this show for you. Don’t say I didn’t do you a public service by giving you a heads up in this area J. Geez Louise, I can’t even feel sorry for myself again. Oh Mehn! I can’t even throw an awesome pity party again. Oh well!!