Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize – 1 Corinthians 9:26-27.
If only you would lend me your ears and listen to my story. I sighed. This story must be told, and you must hear me I continued.
As a young lass growing up, the fear of going to hell drew me even closer to the man called Jesus Christ. I came to learn very early on in life that if I must NOT make it to hell, that I had to forgo all other religious belief and focus on that man called Jesus Christ; for indeed everyone I asked told me that the only sure way of not going to hell was to go by the way of this man who was said to have died on a cross some two thousand years ago [apparently He was a son of God]. Now I wasn’t there when it happened all those years ago, but one thing I did know was if by any chance there was indeed life after death, I didn’t want to be on the wrong side. And so the journey began. I joined all the groups that professed Him; embarked on all the activities that involved telling everyone and anyone about him and his Love for the world. Journeyed to the end of the world to see that His message was spread, and one day, when the time came for me to leave this world, convinced that I had done all that was necessary, closed my eyes and waited for that faithful day when all would be revealed.
And so that day came. There was indeed life after death, and I was a witness to the fact. The books were flung open, and faithfully there was a record. There was a record of everything that I ever did, but for some reason (or another); my name was missing in that all important book.
To make matters worse, when I thought I caught a glimpse or a silhouette of Him, the words fail me now, but it was Him that I saw. The man I had worked tirelessly my whole life. I called out to him and said to him, Hello there, it is I, and you are? He responded. Perplexed, puzzled, taken aback, this must be a nightmare, I thought. And then He continued, I do not know you, away from me you evil doer. Evil doer, me, I, how? Did I not work miraculous deeds on account of this man? Did I not preach his message to my colleagues, to my friends, to everyone that came in contact with me? Did I not set up a bible study group in my department for the “overly learned man”? Did I not hold a coveted position in my church, and a strong Pillar in the house of God? No, no, NO!! Did I not wrought good works on account of this man? Did I not?? DID I NOT!! How can He then now call me an Evil doer, when I was so good to the poor? By Jove, I set up so many charities, and no less than ten bears my name, and for what? FOR WHAT? What was the point of it all?
Then He responded to me and said: Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven – Matthew 7:21. But I did the will of your father I responded. I got baptized, spoke in other languages, forsook all other gods, and followed only you. ONLY YOU!! And He looked upon me and said, but you did not truly believe in the Word of God. It is not about the number of people who got saved through you, yes, see those actions have laid up treasures for you here (and He pointed at them), for indeed God cannot change His words (Numbers 23:19; 1 Samuel 15:29); But you see His Word is magnified and exalted above all His name (Psalm 12:6; Psalm 119:89; Psalm 138:2; Proverbs 30:5; Romans 11:28-29). And then I interrupted Him, saying, I don’t quite understand how this has to do with my present state.
He continued saying, The Word of the Father was given to you saying, How He has exalted the name of Jesus, and How at HIS name, EVERY KNEE (Whether it is spirit, with human form or without), would bow (Isaiah 45:23-24; Philippians 2:9-11). I nodded, and said, it in the Word. Then He said, And Yet The Father compares HIS WORD to HIS name, in saying that His WORD is Magnified above HIS HIGHLY exalted NAME. I still didn’t get it, and? Yet you showed disrespect for HIS WORD. Every time you slight the authority of God’s word, you not only show disrespect of it, you also at the same time disrespect His HIGHLY EXALTED name. You show disrespect for the blood of Christ shared on the cross for all (Rev. 19: 13 – He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God). Every Time you doubted His Word, You Disrespected HIS HIGHLY EXALTED NAME and all that the Lord Jesus did on the cross. And who are you, to darken the counsel of the MOST HIGH GOD, with words without knowledge (Job 38:2).
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Immediately I fell to the ground on my face and started to weep, for all those times and refused to be consoled. For all those times, I doubted the Validity of His Words concerning my life. I wept and refused to be consoled, For He was justifiably right. How can He say all was well, when mockers gathered and laughed at me? How could He say that I am the Head and not the tail, when all I saw was failures? It was easier to encourage others, but it was impossible to encourage my soul. How could He say that He grants the desires of our hearts when my 25 years longing was yet to be fulfilled. How did He expect me to truly believe when there were some irreconcilable issues with some of what His words were saying concerning my situation? No, how did He expect me to go on holding unto His word, when the future looked bleak. I wept, and wept, and wept and refused to be consoled.
And then I woke up.