“A mother watches her daughter riffle through her purse in search of a wad of notes. She searches and finally finds a bundle of them. An envelope of ten €100 notes, she removes three and puts the rest back into her mother’s purse”. Her mother in disappointment wonders to herself, how could it be that she has given birth to a daughter who steals? Surely, she could not have learnt this from her. She has always been a woman of means and has never known poverty nor what it means to be in lack. Yet her child whom she has brought into this world, in her own likeness (and not of another), has mastered the art of stealing. But how did she ever get to this? How, why and when did such enter into her mind? How can this be?”
The daughter ….
I don’t quite know what else to do. I cannot leave, but staying gets harder by the day. I know I think too much, maybe analyse too much, maybe even scrutinize so much, but I wasn’t always like this.
The beginning will be a good place to start. I was once young and carefree, did as I wanted, made a few mistakes, but they were not life threatening. Got into a few messy spots then the penultimate, I’m surprised death did not swallow me. I walked as one marked, marked for death, with a sign on my forehead. Day and night I struggled to stay alive, battle stands ensued, most of time without my knowledge. Misery had been my comfort, self-doubt my protector, and Hope, Hope my worst enemy. Hope is for the foolish, life is for the foolish. Wondered why my life would not just ebb away, when there are so many out there dying to live. Why couldn’t we make an exchange, you have what I want and I what you need. My life so tres fabulous I’m told, many wishing to give theirs in exchange for mine; Live the dream, my nightmare of sorts. But I have often wondered, do they know what it is I go through? Do they know the troubles preventing my eyelids from staying shut at night? Do they know the lengths I’ve taken just for a moment’s peace? I have tried to live in the shadows for some time now not wanting to be exposed. In constant fear that a day is coming when all will know, when they will know that I am not whom they think I am. The day is coming soon, and I dread to think of how it will be. Who am I? A repeated question I have seldom refused to stop asking myself? How did I get to this place, to this point? I need to forget, too many questions, still no answers. I need to forget.
Pitty parter, pitty parter, invitees only
Mama watches her daughter cross over to the other side of the road, and immediately she follows her. She sees her exchange what seems to be money for some goods, walk towards the roundabout, down the alley, and before she could reach her, she was already seated on a bench, by the canal, and have now fallen into a deep sleep.
Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared – Matt. 13:24-26
Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things – Prov. 23:33
On that day thoughts will come into your mind and you will devise an evil scheme – Ezekiel 38:10b
We in one way or the other in our lives here on earth have caused God to ask Himself such a question. He can’t quite understand how it is, we do the things we do. Doesn’t quite understand why it is we as a people are so wicked [Gen. 6:5; Jeremiah 17:9], especially when He is not. He knows no sin, and yet we his creation are continually evolving into experts in wickedness. How can that be? We can no longer use excuses like ‘life is so difficult’ or one lame excuse or another to explain away the evil things we do. We can no longer use previous bad experiences or challenges as a reason why we’ve turned to the evil things we do. The Lord never promised us that life was going to be an easy road [John 16:1], but He did promise us that we can overcome it if we make up our mind to, just as He did [John 16:33]. He never promised it would be an easy journey but He did promise that the end will be worth it [Revelations 2:7]. Sometimes the Lord has to take you through a process of purification, and empowerment before taking you to that next level. Is there prayers you are still waiting on the Lord for its fulfillment, or do you think you’ve been living a lie and the enemy is about to expose you. What is your confidence based on? Whom are you looking towards for help? I pray that this 2011, we will have no more excuses for not living the life the Lord called us to live. I pray that this 2011, we find a way of realizing that the past is gone, and we can work out our relationship with God in fear and trembling. That this year will not be a year that the Lord will look upon us and wonder why He made; but instead that this 2011, the Lord God will look upon us and have a reason to be proud of us.