I see Men as Solid Trees

Nnedinanma, walked briskly as if she were in a hurry, could it be an emergency of some sorts. She raced quickly to the other section of the house as she tried to make sure “Papa” was awake. He’s fine, in fine mood, and cheery too. Not so for Nkemdi. Since the rising of the sun he had been awake, meticulously trying to balance his accounts. But it was still not adding up. His outgoing was more than the incoming by a factor of two. And he was not due for a pay rise for the next fifteen months. How can we survive as a family for the next fifteen months especially since the school fees, mortgage and other expenses are mandatory – which explains the outgoing deficit! He could not see anyway out, and refused to borrow anymore. Exhausted with these thoughts, he slowly crept back into bed and continued to wonder what would become of his family.

Good morning dearest, you are awake said Nnedinanma, what would you have me make you for breakfast, your favourite? Nkemdi a little sullen replied, I’m not very hungry munchkins, don’t worry, I will be ready in a giffy to take the kids to school. Are they ready? I think so replied Nnedinanma, I’ll go check. It had barely gone past the hour when Nkemdi moved the car onto the drive way and the kids all jumped in and off they went.

Today, I telephoned my friend Nnedinanma, of ten years to see how she was, and how family life was treating her. Since it’s my day off I wanted to drop in on her before carrying on with my home chores.As I stopped by her house, I found her relaxing on a two by two settee, whilst watching desperate housewives. Her house was in an immaculate order, especially when children were supposed to live in the house, and it’s only 10am.

Dina I exclaimed, even the house cleaner I pay good money, is not able to have my house in such order and you are no better than me, spill! She replied saying, I have an aunt that has been living with me for the last seven months, who can not stand the sight of dust, and she has been helping with the kids, Papa, and even all the house chores. Cooking too? I asked, hmmm she replied, her food tastes better than mine.Then I said to her, what then do you do? Dina replied, I am a housewife, so the house is my domain. Dina I replied, for the last seven months you have been doing nothing since your aunt came, wouldn’t you consider getting a Job, especially when I know I will hire you in a matter of seconds. You’ve always been the best statistician I have ever had the pleasure to work with, and I wouldn’t mind having you in my group. She replied saying, it is the role of my Husband to provide for my family and for me to be provided for. I asked her, so how long will your aunt be staying? She replied saying, since she’s Papa’s only sister, she wants to be around to make sure Papa is taken good care of. But Papa now lives with you I interrupted. Exactly, she said. So you mean, yes, indefinitely.

I spent the next couple of hours talking and laughing with my good friend Dinanma, and didn’t realize how time flew. It was now 3.30pm and Nkemdi drove in with the kids, greeted us, and continued on his way back to work. I looked at her again and said to her do you really mean to tell me Nkemdi brings the kids back too? The house is my domain she replied. On realizing how late it had gotten, I decided to take my leave and promised to visit her again before the year runs out. But I couldn’t help but ask her one more question. So if you are in charge of the home, what happens to the financial responsibilities? She replied, Nkemdi is the provider, and he is in charge of making everything balance.

On leaving the house I couldn’t help but wonder on the role we as wives have to play in helping our husbands, and if Dinanma was fair in her attitude towards the distribution of roles.

In the story, we see a family in a temporary financial mess (which if not dispelled could lead to even greater problems). And all it needs is a “fifteen months bridge” to help get them out of the small mess. Currently Dinanma is free and wouldn’t find it difficult to find a job, but is not interested because of the way she views her husband’s responsibilities. He is not complaining, he just needs some help until he is able to sort out the mess. After all if aunt wasn’t around, Dinanma would still have been busy with her chores. But that is not the issue. If he had told her of the current status, would she want to help, since she is of the view that it is “his responsibility to provide for herBy wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures – Proverbs 24:3-4;The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down – Proverbs 14:1; Genesis 2:20b, But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

How suitable is she to the needs of her husband and to her family. How flexible is she, and is she willing to compromise? What sort of help does that make her? What is your perception of the role of your husband, and is he therefore responsible for falling short in difficult times.

About love, commitment, feelings, relationship, maturity e.t.c.

Love is not just a feeling, it comprises of it. Feelings aren’t the evidence of love. Love is an exercise of ones will—a decision you deliberately and consciously take based on knowledge and understanding to stick with the object of your love (a woman or man) no matter what happens; this decision will eventually open up a flood-gate of strong feelings.

Because of your commitment to someone, when feelings disappear momentarily, you can stay in there till the feelings return. So if someone tells you I don’t have feelings for you again, lets take a break, then he either doesn’t understand what love is or never loved you in the first place or probably thought he really loved you and mistook a fleeting passion for a strong deep undeniable love— one that should come with the strength to stick it out in moments of dryness of feelings.

There is something I always say, Love is the most used word but the scarcest of true experience; most people say I love you or think they love, but in actual fact what they mean by “I love you” is actually, “I love the way you make me feel”, so in other words if you stop making me feel this way, then I will stop being there for you—which is lack of commitment. Now think about it, If your ex has walked out of your life, and tells you he can’t be committed now, really though not deliberately, he causes you pain yet in your heart of heart you still love him. Now! That is true love, commitment no matter what, but sadly Men have a problem acting this way, they are usually “Wonderful Committed Beginners” but never can sustain, so they say I’m afraid of commitment; such men need to Grow up.

Feelings are fickle; they are like fire, if you don’t keep putting wood (fuel) it will go out. What is wood in this case? Doing for the other what he likes and not quarrelling too frequently.
If the feelings are not there or dies, it’s because you have made up your mind not to be committed; you must tell yourself I may not feel like it now but I’ve made a commitment, so we are going to work this out, now my African queens this is very hard work and it takes being unselfishness in the relationship to achieve this. Then you’ll find the feelings will come back, so instead of a crisis breaking you up, it makes you stronger; you work out your issues and in so doing you understand each other better. Love now grows because you now understand your partners sensitivities, you are more like a team, you deal with issues together, not take off when you encounter challenges, BECAUSE YOU HAVE BOTH MADE A COMMITMENT TO STICK TO EACH OTHER, PERIOD!

Love takes a lot of perseverance and patience to grow and be sustained. So when you see couples in-love, understand it wasn’t always like that in the beginning they worked together through the challenges and storms and made it to the other side of a now enviable relationship. So really the key is finding som1 who loves you enough and who you believe in enough to weather the storm together and get to the other side of the storm, which is a Beautiful Enviable Relationship because—once again—of commitment.

Love is not just about feelings; it is actually, about a decision to be committed. It gives the strength to stick with that one person. Love mixed with maturity, which is actually a proper view point of what life or love is makes you have the ability to see the quality and heart of the one you love, beyond their physical appearance. Because even the bible says for this reason a MAN (not a boy) will leave (not a mama’s boy still hanging unto mummy’s apron)—these are two prerequisite for a good husband.

Boys not men chase you out of an initial excitement, but when you as the lady returns that feeling, they get scared because they aren’t ready for a lifelong commitment relationship. They want to keep humping around, living the single life or whatever their individual reasons may be. It means in the beginning he didn’t really think about what he was feeling or wanted before leading the woman on and this a marked trait of Immaturity— a real mature man should think before he jumps.

A relationship where each persons needs are not being met, will die. Also, a relationship where there is constant bickering and quarrelling will kill feelings and may eventually end the relationship, so avoid Quarrelling but by all wisdom please let your feelings be known and agree on the best way to resolve conflicts.

Commitment means I can no longer have space. My life is now shared with another. I’m now accountable to someone else and can’t really make decisions, especially ones that will seriously impact on the relationship e.t.c changing location.

ADVICE: Women, hold your excitements about a man till you’re sure about him, and then let go. (For the Immature man who hasn’t grown up, i mean)

ADVICE: Women, if you use the behavior you should have during marriage on a relationship, you’d ruin things. If you act like you’re married to a man while in a relationship, he gets scared and runs away. To know how your partner wants to be loved, watch how he shows you love. (For the Immature man who hasn’t grown up, i mean)

A good man will welcome a woman’s sincere love, embrace her when she returns affection and holds onto her no matter what; even when the fear (that most men feel when they meet a potential) arises. We men all feel that fear to whatever degree, I did, even couple months to my wedding. One just has to hold on long enough, and let go of the fear of commitment.

So my African queens if a guy doesn’t want you—however he tells you, or makes you know he isn’t ready to commit to you—Let the guy go. He isn’t worth your time and it’s most of the time HIS LOSS (which he usually realizes late). If he really wants you, he will come for you when he gets his act together and realizes the mistake he has made.

So say to yourself, NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME. I’M BEAUTIFUL BY ALL STANDARDS, because what break-ups tend to do is mess up our self-esteem, but refuse to give in to that, get up, pick up the mistakes made, make corrections, move on, because there is someone out looking for you just the way you are.

Above all, Let GOD lead the way. A man without the fear of God in him isn’t right for any woman; For he will surely hurt you.

By An Anonymous Ibo Guy (a great friend of nma – my adopted cali chicka friend..)

(Ladies he’s married- ain’t that something…)

side note
Where there is the Love of God, there is no fear. God is Love, so a man born of God, born of His Spirit has His likeness within him. He has the ability to Forbear, be Kind, forgive, shares the burden of others, thinks less of self but of others, regardless of how difficult it may appear. However, a man who displays none of this, is born of self not of God. Flee from such a man…

Values!!

What is my worth?

Im I more valuable than rubies?

Does my cost outweigh that of the diamond?

How precious Im I?

Today I am reminded:

Greater than the death of flesh, is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we must never surrender. The future is all around us waiting in moments of transition to be born in moments of revelations. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us, we know only it is usually born in pain.

Jesus said “… in this world you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world…” So it would seem any fear, doubt and confusion stems from our reliance on our selves and ability. Despair creeps in when the task ahead of us is greater than what we and the resources we can call upon are capable of. Therefore, it seems that if we can empty ourselves of us and fill it with Jesus then our troubles of little consequence. Because we have rest for our souls not just for time but for eternity.

Pain is temporary, Victory is forever. In Christ we have that victory if and if only we trust in him.

I will trust you Lord.

………………………

Today I thank God for the life of my younger brother who is now in the states back from his missionary work in south america (mixing medicine with the word of God). I thank God for His ministry, isn’t it wonderful to have a doctor who is saved treating you. Im so glad that God is using him in such a powerful way. He consoled my troubled mind with the message above reminding me that I have greater worth even if I were to forget for one second. I miss him, can’t wait to have him back on the shores of europe.

Trully it is well with my soul, my God is a God who is Faithful and good. He trully is amazing and his love I am yet to fully digest. Sometimes I worry how it is that He loves me so and favours me. That even though I may walk throught the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Indeed, psalm 23 has come alive to me. It’s not just another bible chapter, but the simple truth. Halleluyah, praise God, for all I know is that YOU are God, and trully I am in awe of you. Your peace oh God has always been with me, and will continue to be with me all the days of my life. I love you Lord. You are great..

A Time of Thanksgiving..

Philipians 4:4-9

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Amen

The Joy of my Salvation, the Joy in Christ, which is totally independent of my circumstance and situation has been restored unto me. Thank You Lord for a quick response. Thank you Lord for an EXPRESS answerd prayer.

Beware of Judas’ Kiss!

A kiss is done out of familarity or out of love for someone“. I’ve found myself many atimes, whenever I meet friends kissing them on both cheeks was usually the norm. Yes familarity. Yes lovingly.
I
n Psalm 41:9 – “Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. I am reminded that we will always face one form of dissappointment or the other in our life’s relationships. We ought not to be unaware of the devices of the enemy. To watch our close friends, people we surround ourselves with, so they don’t lead us to total destructions. We need to watch and be prayerful always. Watch the companies we keep, to remember that not everyone is wishing us good progress and happyness.

A kiss that comes from unexpected quarters, a kiss that someone that close to you could deal“. We don’t know the heart of the people we surround ourselves with – a heart that is desperateyly wicked, no one can fathom –Jeremiah 17:9 – People that are destroying you that are supposedly helping you – Matthew 15:18-19 – beware of them.

A kiss that’s given out of jealousy” – not everyone can stand your success. Remember, the Lord will surely lift you up, but remember not every one will be really happy with you. To remember that not everyone can stand your sucess.

A kiss thats given from a loose tongue” – James 3: 5-6 – a loose tongue can make or cause those who would never want to turn against you to turn against you. Ordinarily this person would never turn against the friend, but their friend’s loose tongue causes MISTRUST and hatred, which once gone is impossible to get back. Betrayal is a very terrible thing to happen in any frienship, not to be wished upon anyone. Therefore be careful whom you place your trust in. Remember, adversaries may rise up becasue you do not know the spirit of the person you are talking to. Tread carfeully people.

In order to overcome all, we ought to be spiritually alert. To learn not to open our mouth to talk everything we feel needs to be heard. To excercise God’s wisdom, and find out the best ways of saying things, so that it will never be misunderstood. We need to READ and KNOW the word of God, and find out how to apply it.

Isa. 59:9 “So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows”. Gal. 6:7 – “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows” Let us endeavour not to engage in Judas’ kiss. Not to be deceived, that whatever a man sows that is exactly what they will receive. There will be a mighty penalty to pay if one is not careful. Let the act go. If you are he/she that goes about digging other peoples grave with your kiss, be very aware, same can easily be done to you. This is our year of new beginings. Let us continue to keep in mind that life is so precious.

God forbid if anything were to happen to any of you, what would YOU be remembered for? Think about it.

I pray that I will never be engaged in bringing people down, be engaged in discussing or destroying the trust many have placed upon me, not to be a Judas to anyone who entrusts so much to me. I also ask us all to say this short prayer – Forgive me God for all the times that I have betrayed people that trusted me. Lord forgive me in Jesus Name. Amen.

I have a testimony to tell

Can I get you, someone to lend me just an ear?
I tell you the Lord has been too good to me,
Is my words and plea falling on deaf ears?
Come and hear what the Lord has done for me
I can hardly contain myself

I cannot keep this any longer to myself
I must speak and testify of His goodness,
I must confess of his countless mercies and grace
I must shout aloud His favours and too many open doors

I really need you to give me a min
Someone, anybody
He’s not a man to lie
His promises He has brought to pass
Plans long ago is accumulating to my now breakthroughs

I don’t know where to begin,
But I have to start from somewhere

Why oh why God have you refused to forget me
Why oh why have You insisted on blessing me so
Of my faith I am the least
Of those that doubted I was the champion
Of those that encountered resistance I was the first to make a negative suggestion

Ever ready to bow off
Ever ready to make an excuse as why the opposition
Ever ready to drink
that mind destructing liquor

But your grace and mercy have forever been sufficient for me
To love and forgive me for your sake
To favour me even when it’s not merited
To favour me even when it’s not fair

Have I told you lately Lord that I love you